Jokes in English

1Jim ◆6P7QkQf8Ys @Apparently admin ★2008/01/09(水) 02:40:50ID:???
Please post your jokes in English here.

126Mr.anonymous2013/08/25(日) NY:AN:NY.ANID:TsWCVGgx
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side
(I can't think of any jokes lol)

btw greetings from New Zealand :)

127Mr.anonymous2013/09/12(木) 13:28:44.25ID:???

128Mr.anonymous2013/12/15(日) 02:22:48.77ID:ELT8oSS6
Go fuck yourself

129Mr.anonymous2013/12/16(月) 09:52:25.92ID:2SBrk+iU
erotic phrase suck my dick please

130Mr.anonymous2013/12/21(土) 01:51:25.60ID:???
\_______________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________
| |
| /━━━\ |
| / \ |   と思う
| | | |
| | | |
| \ / |          jであった
| / \ |
| / \ |
| /       \ |
| -------------- |

131Mr.anonymous2013/12/21(土) 22:25:03.70ID:???
       彡⌒ミ    / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
      (    )  < always bald bald-headed person be called it…
      (⊃ ⊂)    \_____________
      | | |

        クルッ       _____________
       彡⌒ミ    /
      (`・ω・´)彡< Let's say clearly! Bald's you!
   Σm9っ   つ  \_________________
       人  Y
      し (_)

  ┃       彡⌒ミ     ┃
  ┃     (´・ω・` ).    ┃
   彡⌒ミ⊂   9m)    ┃
  .(    )  Y   人.     ┃
 ⊂      フ .(_入_|    ┃
   人  Y ━━━━━━┛

132Adamchu2014/01/22(水) 03:30:19.59ID:???
Hey there guys. funny stuff here.

133Mr.anonymous2014/02/04(火) 01:34:16.46ID:I6qCIAO+
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

134Mr.anonymous2014/02/05(水) 06:49:25.08ID:RwkEzh4U
What's red and becomes smaller and smaller?
A baby with a potato-peeler.

Why did the baker's hands smell bad?
Because he kneaded a shit.

135Mr.anonymous2014/02/08(土) 06:22:39.26ID:kyJB7y1N
You know what drives me crazy? Car puns.

136名無しさん2014/03/12(水) 11:53:45.19ID:ZnqioNhG
Why doesn't the 2ds fold?

The vita already did.

137名無しさん2014/03/12(水) 13:00:36.88ID:yv4KgsKE

138Mr.anonymous2014/03/12(水) 13:01:37.86ID:yv4KgsKE

139名無しさん2014/03/12(水) 13:24:39.44ID:ibdcvVvm
Mr. anonymous, nobody wants to hear your /b/-level garbage.

By the way, 4chan's /v/ thinks 2ch's video game board is spot-on about why the video game industry is failing.
You think we like over-saturation of military FPS games and moe pig crap? Hell no.
We hate mobile games with a passion, and it makes us sad to see kids playing with smartphones instead of Gameboys.
Most of us just want a return to smaller game budgets from the late 1990s, but Hollywood is investing in radical feminist garbage because they have nothing else.
By the way, I'm enjoying my PS Vita. If only there were some good platformers for the system other than Gravity Rush and Tearaway.
It's a fun little device, and I like putting movies on it. That screen is really pretty.

Your brothers overseas,
4chan /v/

140名無しさん2014/03/12(水) 17:47:22.67ID:yv4KgsKE
Your enthusiasm is nauseating. Chances are you'll only accomplish making the people here barf.

141Mr.anonymous2014/06/28(土) 21:25:08.56ID:HYM4l3/I
What is the biggest ants in the world?
So, you are not thinking in Japanese.

142BOWNT2014/07/03(木) 23:26:24.22ID:WiLETKRr!


143Anon2014/07/14(月) 12:14:26.55ID:NeWvySLY!
What is better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.

144Mr.anonymous2014/07/24(木) 11:08:45.60ID:63Ls0xBi!

Don't talk to them. We can't corrupt their pure Nihongo spirit with our
filthy, disgusting gaijin ways. Not until we learn how to fold steel one
thousand times to make a comparable kay-tana, as the prophecies have foretold.

145Mr.anonymous2014/07/25(金) 04:31:07.87ID:d6lRC2O0!
top lel

146Mr.anonymous2014/08/03(日) 20:33:54.68ID:ozVPRrND!
>>144 could filthy gaijin like us possibly fold such a key-tonnu?

147Mr.anonymous2014/08/28(木) 11:07:55.48ID:o8xVFtEF!

By accepting the chief god of the Shinto religion: Naruto Uzumaki, into our hearts as our Lord and Saviour.

148Mr.anonymous2014/10/25(土) 15:28:49.70ID:???

149Mr.anonymous2014/10/25(土) 15:29:21.52ID:???

150Mr.anonymous2015/03/05(木) 00:08:05.89ID:pCzPEICB
*knock knock*
Who's there?
Nine Eleven
Nine Eleven who?
You said that you would never forget.

151anonymous2015/03/05(木) 04:01:12.29ID:3qzdHJWk!
what happen when black man with erection runs into wall?
he get killed by police, why you think he was running?

what happen when jew with erection runs into wall?
he breaks nose, and sues owner of wall

what happen when islam with erection runs into wall?
he explodes

what happen when american with erection runs into wall?
his fat makes him bounce back like pachinko ball

what happen when chinese with erection runs into wall?
he climbs wall and prepares to defend from mongolians

what happen when koolaids with erection runs into wall?
oh yes!

152Mr.anonymous2015/03/05(木) 07:53:42.31ID:JVDDGZKd
Fucking rice farmer chink pig get out of MY internet.

153Mr.anonymous2015/03/22(日) 08:22:16.16ID:9JDcjrGZ
You guys are such weeaboos. Get a life, neck beard

154Mr.anonymous2015/04/23(木) 08:48:42.71ID:TX8S/OgQ
Would you like to hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

155Mr.anonymous2015/05/06(水) 12:20:59.10ID:yfaEAL14
oh nobody has a bra

156Mr.anonymous2015/05/08(金) 10:50:46.87ID:n1Xavh9l
why can't orphans can't play baseball?
-Because they don't know where home is.
why can't orphans play tennis?
-Because they don't know what love is.

157Mr.anonymous2015/05/09(土) 11:16:47.14ID:uCkiRODD
ok i have some really dark ones so ill just dump them here.
1.How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb?
-None, they just beat the room for being black.
2.I lost my virginity to a retarded girl. I wanted my first time to be special
3.I started carrying a knife after attempted mugging a few months ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful
ill post more if i find more

158Mr.anonymous2015/05/14(木) 08:00:42.58ID:Fi+r4cgg!
Nock Nock
Who's there?

159moot ◆Ep8pui8Vw2 2015/06/01(月) 08:31:03.80ID:4c8O2xJi!
This isn't 2003, Anon

160dabeshu ◆Ep8pui8Vw2 2015/06/03(水) 12:21:28.04ID:8L0W4ogq
moot what the fuck are you doing here

That's not you.

161dabeshu2015/06/03(水) 12:23:01.72ID:8L0W4ogq
Oh shoot-it's mewt!


162Mr.anonymous2015/06/03(水) 12:28:47.01ID:8L0W4ogq
moot is still confused about 2chan!??????

163Mr.anonymous2015/06/03(水) 13:11:28.79ID:wJdFmcK0
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?

164Politically Incorrect2015/06/15(月) 16:55:28.91ID:oy/Eyz4Y
I think this just became my new favorite hangout.

Dislexic man walks into a bra...
Sexdilic mal wanks into a rab...
Fuck sorry I can't read this^^

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog?... Neither did she!
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?... Her dog was blind too~
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?... You would to if your name was **loud deaf people noises**
Why did Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?... She used the other hand to moan.
Why did Helen Keller get Carple Tunnel, she fell down a well and spent days signing for help.
How do you confuse Helen Keller... Move the furniture while she sleeps.
How else can you confuse Helen Keller... Tell her to read a basket ball.
How do you punish Helen Keller... Leave a short plunger sticking up out of the toilet

165Mr.anonymous2015/10/20(火) 23:38:32.62ID:M0iwSqlr

166Mr.anonymous2016/03/16(水) 01:04:09.58ID:Owo45VXF
haha, there are some very fun jokes in this thread

this is so much better than learning for math class

167Mr.anonymous2016/03/17(木) 06:15:16.30ID:1EWxW63A

168Mr.anonymous2016/03/21(月) 07:07:11.05ID:KW1hqdVl
I don't know how many of the dirtier words in the English language get taught or learned on your side of the Pacific, but here's one that relies on a pun:

I got a handjob from a blind girl last night.

She never saw me coming!

169Яникс2016/03/27(日) 07:04:25.48ID:ZklxNmiN
Мой дом - улица

170Яникс2016/03/27(日) 07:05:07.59ID:ZklxNmiN
Твой парень риани
по мне давно плачет эстрада

171Яникс2016/03/27(日) 07:08:17.03ID:ZklxNmiN
я утонул в алкоголе
брось мне спасательный круглый

172Mr.anonymous2017/03/27(月) 10:51:33.35ID:HgTFPZkC
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

One day, his girlfriend asks him over for dinner to meet her parents.
He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.

“No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.”
She tells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes.
We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it.
Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word.
So Steve decides to have a little fun.
He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance.
Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH! I’LL DO THE DISHES.”

173Mr.anonymous2017/04/08(土) 02:58:26.93ID:j3tF+4o4
I farted. YUH!

174Mr.anonymous2017/05/04(木) 22:54:30.17ID:MPJlZtAK
Охуенно же сколько много русских на японском дваче.

175Mr.anonymous2018/01/26(金) 03:57:13.68ID:Tt30I0At
weeb get off my board ree

176Mr.anonymous2018/02/08(木) 19:23:09.14ID:s2r5brhO
Погром, товарищ! КГБ...